What am I supposed to tell you?
Tell you that I'm scream on the top of my lungs inside, tell you that I'm shoving things out and apart to find a space where I could actually breathe, tell you that I'm literally dying inside?
How am I supposed to tell you that? I really appreciate you asking, but how am I supposed to tell you?
I can't even keep the smile on my face anymore. I tried, I've been crying inside of my for years now. 

And now all of a sudden, my smile fades and turns into a frown. 

I really don't want to get you worried. 

How's my life WITHOUT you?
Hmmm.. lets see. I'm tired, I'm lonely, I'm frustrated, I'm sad, I'm teared apart!
I understand that people in life come and go, but.. why now, why you?

I really don't wanna lose anyone anymore. 

I'm scared, I'm really scared. Its like I can't be happy. 

I'm not allowed to be happy!

When I could truly smile and feel happy, even if its just a little,

the next second I blink, its teared away from me!
Every time! It happens every time! It's like I'm willed not to be able to be happy or something! 

Why must I lose everyone and everything I keep and hold dear?
Is it that me being happy kills the world?

Am I not allowed to be happy even if it's just for the slightest bit? 

..why....I'm really, really scared.

Yesterday I was just so frustrated and my mind was somewhere else that I forgot to shampoo my hair and I just realized it after like an hour or two after I got out from the shower, I almost cut myself, I burned my hand , I almost tripped and I hit my leg real hard..
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
I can't and I shouldn't, ..I  MUST NOT lose my focus and get distracted at this time.
Exam is just so close.. I must not let myself down, I must not set my mind else where.
I.... I need someone. You don't have to hear me out, but I just really need a shoulder to cry on, just someone to be there.