P.s I do not own this drawing

I know its wrong of me to think this way, but a huge part of me was praying and hoping that I wouldn't wake  up tomorrow.. I don't want to face all these exams.. I don't want to face all these tests, I don't want to face all these people, I don't want to live like this anymore.. 

It really hurts me so deeply. 

I don't really know what's wrong with me..

Am I under pressure? 

I understand that I'm considered as one of the lucky ones cause I know that life for me now is actually not that stressful.. and exam.. There are people out there who're worse than me. So why?

Why am I like this? 

Am I really stressed..is this stress? 

I don't know.. I really don't. But the feeling sure isn't pleasant. It's very disturbing.. its itching me.. its hurting me inside.. 

There had been a few time where I get mood swings which is actually not very unusual since I realized that I started to get them sometimes starting last year especially during my periods. TMI; sorry. 

But yeah.. Then it stopped and last year wasn't a very pleasant year for me either so I guess that's also one of the main reasons why I always get mood swings. 

It stopped, so why all of a sudden come back again? Recently it's happening more often.  

But sometime I feel that it's worse. I would sit alone somewhere feeling so frustrated and without realizing sometime I wrap my hair around my finger and just..start to pull it. Not actually pulling the hair out.. but you know.. like a gesture of frustration?

And then I might feel my body getting VERY uncomfortable then start to itch.. I don't really know how to explain that feeling but.. its like itching.. and burning.. frustratingly itching and I just ..it's crazy. It makes me go crazy!!!! Not good crazy, but crazy crazy. Physco crazy! 

I just get so frustrated about that feeling which would not go away and I really really really feeling like killing myself! I badly wanted to bang myself against something just to let the feeling go away cause it doesn't seem like it'll disappear no matter what I do! And the worst thing is that so far, this feeling actually just last for a few seconds maybe a minute or two then it'll go away(thank God) and I already can't handle it to this extend! Imagine if it gets longer!! What would I do then? Would I really go kill myself..boy..I really don't know. 

I'm not saying this to seek for attention or anything.. but I just really had to let it out. 

But I pray.. I pray that God, ..please help me. Help put my mind at ease. Help me... I'm lost and I really don't know what to do anymore. 

*BAM* && here goes my positive side! (It's really annoying how for a second I'm all frustrated and negative then suddenly my 'positive' side comes out. But regardless of how annoying it is, I thank God for letting the positive energy in me stay alive and strong. With all seriousness I think I would've been long gone a few years back if it wasn't for this positive energy and of course God for all his support and strength that he gives me! And also I wouldn't miss out my friends who's been there for me! YOU ALL ROCK \m/ !!)

Ah.. I feel better lol. Thank you for answering to all my prayers, thank you for protecting me, thank you for blessing me.. thank you for blessing me with a lucky life regardless of all the unfortunate things that had happened, you gave me hope, you gave me strength, you gave me your angels.. whom I call friends whom had been there for me throughout my journey. 

I understand and know that there're people out there who're struggling more than me, going through things worse than I had but shouldn't have gone through and I'm sorry... I'm sorry but I pray that God would protect you and bless all of you from harm. Please stay positive. Don't let the positive energy die. Sometime it may seem like the world is surrounded by darkness and there are no hopes left, DON'T GIVE UP. Please.. It may seem like all your hopes are gone but no its not.. believe me.. believe in yourself, find that hope in you.. find that light in you despite all the darkness that is surrounding you, fight, fight hard to find that light in you. Its there! It is. Its there somewhere, you just got to believe! 

And to those who are on the verge of dying.. please. Please.. STOP! Don't do it. 

YOU'RE NOT ALONE! 

I MEAN IT! YOU REALLY ARE NOT ALONE. So please.. please..

It may seem like you're BUT YOU ARE NOT. Because that's what it SEEMS but that's not what it really is!! 

There're people out there who cares.. yes, there are. I know we don't know each other personally, but.. I love you. I care about you. So please.. think again. Don't do it. Alright..? :) I really do care.

You can do much better and I believe that each and every one of us, you have our/your own special talents in you. Don't let them go to waste. And I promise you, life has more to it than it seems.

I know you can achieve great things in life!

Just DON'T GIVE UP and TRY YOUR BEST!

You can do it! :)